a murderous tale

I have gone off writing this blog because the reason I started writing it was to: create a space where i could divulge my miseries unabated and without fear or judgement; to express somewhere my daily misery rather than expound it to friends, passers by or complete strangers and to exercise my writing skills ( start off by writing about yourself- someone said)

however, my miseries have taken over and i have no time to expound them anywhere and my plans of writing have somewhat died.

somewhat. the first superfluous word i have used today.

i have vivid dreams of houses often, ones i have lived in and ones which are a part of somewhere i have lived- in the dreams there are usually extra rooms and spaces i'd not realized were there.

i am not sure i have the temper or energy to write full fledged versions of the domestic misery i consider i endure anymore. it is too time consuming. perhaps this is a breakthrough for me. perhaps i can forget about reality and start to write something that isn't so tedious and heavy and weighed down with detail.

first line: 'he was locked out of the house they shared, her, him, his step son (of hers) and their two children. he had misplaced his key, though he was convinced it was she that had hidden it, tided it away. so busy she was meddling in other's business.
she meanwhile was not at home and she turned her phone to silent to stop the barrage of infuriated texts and phone calls calling her cunt and demanding an entrance to their home.

she was far away with other issues and dealing with a car in the garage and a number of children to feed.

......crux.... so when she returned home with a phone filled with vitriolic texts (17)and voice mails (5) and missed calls (5) from he, she was aware of the temperature reaching boiling point. she no longer had the energy to explain her side of the story.

as he ranted and swore at her, a little ball of irritation grew in her stomach. he swore and cunted and swore and blamed in front of the children, until that little ball of irritation became murderous and without thinking clearly, but with rational intent, she picked up a large and heavy copper plated pan she had recently brought. as he swore and cunted in the adjacent room, swore and remonstrated with her and called her names. she approached the room from which his ugly shouting emanated. and suddenly the copper plated pan was pounding upon his head. the shock made him stop swearing at her for a minute. she struck again, and again, and  again util no more sweearing would ever come from hi mouth again. full stop.