sometimes the injuries we sustain in life seem, if not so painful, then possibly metaphorical and almost symbolic.
a few weeks ago i took my children to a birthday party in a ball park. my daughter was invited so was paid for to play, my son of one did not have a wrist band and i decided to not just encourage him to play for free- i could not be rebellious today, and bought him a wrist band for near £5. having paid, i was determined for him to have some fun. inside the ball park i went with him, helping him through the 2-4 year old section, pushing him through big soft holes to crawl accross net bridges and swing on soft swings. then i sat him on my lap, and whoosh down we went to the balls waiting invitingly below. thump. the pain was deadening and blew me hot and cold. instead of what i gratefully and excitedly imagined, a soft welcome to my poor backside, my coxcyxx thudded unprotected onto the hard mat at the bottom. oeooo i yelped and went on to my knees. my head rushed with blood and i felt quite sick. i looked around to see if any one had noticed, mothers glanced up then went back to their phones. i crawled out and spent the rest of the day on strong painkillers and too much wine (we went on to a bbq) luckily there was a walking stick in the car which i used to help me get out.
so now, some two or so weeks later, my lowest spine bone hurts on sitting and hurts on rising. it hurts right now.
over the weekend, i idily pulled a toenail, as we are sometimes wont to do...it peeled neatly accross, then ahhh, it hit skin and refused to be ripped further without the threat of excruciating pain.i hobbled around for four days..with a half ripped toenail that seemed to catch on anything:discomfort in sitting, rising from sitting, and walking.
the metaphor? the symbol? both rest and action hurts in my life right now. it is difficult to find a comfortable place to be.
the next pain rung in this ladder of unfairness?
i got a basic phone from orange in May. I got a contract for 10.50 a month for 300 minutes and unlimited texts. the cost to 25th may was £5 or so. today my phone was barred from making calls. i phone them up. until you pay it will be barred they say. pay? i say what do you mean? you have gone over your minutes by 200 or so minutes they say, your bill is £158.
a heavy leaden weight sits in my stomach and i feel quite sad by life.
No comments:
Post a Comment