weird day so far as a fellow human being going my particular way along this planetary journey.
fairly depressed for much of the morning feeling anti social even when in no threat of any social communication bar my baby.
life is a bit of a see saw for me much of the time and i don't think i am that good at riding it- never much knowing when it'll be up or down, and being fairly thuddish when i'ts down and short lived when it is high and just a quick motion in between.
some days i am hopelessly hateful of the perils of motherhood, some very scant and menial work, and the chores of a reluctant housewife. yukky that word gives me the heebie jeebies. and others i fairly (my fairly favourite word today) relish in the messy routines i have each day.
for example having just fairly meticulously cleared the sides in the kitchen; wiped the seats and prepared the floor to be mopped i have a rather reluctant sense of achievement.
some days i make some money for my various skills and dream of making more and wonder why i am such an under achiever in the world of self promotion; great ideas and money making.
i long to be doing something that makes me happy -and my family- and that makes me money. and then that just feels like too much to hope for.
i think i may be depressed.
i feel depressed now after writing this but it is also fairly therapeutic.
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