confidence issues

okay I think I have always been double natured with confidence. one day i feel a million dollars and stride confidently through life. another I am all a shiver with my lack of social graces and inability to utter something without tripping over my words and apologising profusely.


as a child that meant confused friends and therefore a lack of., plus lonely afternoons trying to find someone to stand next to.


as an adult it is difficult to maintain a sense of self on a day to day basis.
sometimes I feel like I wear my unsureness like a big fat cloak.


this I wish to end now, I am tired of daily struggles with that beast confidence.

what is confidence?
definition: 
 belief in oneself and one's powers or abilities; self-confidence; self-reliance; assurance

and self esteem?

a realistic respect for or favourable impression of oneself;self-respect.

well. timeless kind of issues i mean Socrates 100's of years BC said be as you wish to seem   

yes, makes some sense but may require some effort i mean what is seem? (to appear to be, feel, do, etc)

Gertrude. Why seems it so particular with thee? 

Hamlet. "Seems," madam? Nay, it is; I know not "seems."

anyway i digress with the help of copy and paste. 
but anyway what it is is,

 i think,

 in my inability to seem 

then i am a jiggle of me. 

that makes sense to me. 

plus i have had my fair share of shallow and disappointing friendships where you do feel a fool as soon as you be you and open your mouth and say something

i have been a specimen on the end of someones snail like eyeball. so maybe 

counsellor blog

i am just recovering from that. 

yes affirmative.

confidence. 

hmm.