I have not written for some time as things have been a muddy bleak haze. I have wanted to quit writing this blog and have not stuck to my commitment to write every day. I suppose the constant misery that expounds from my 'pen' is starting to get to me.
But here I go again. As seems to be often the case my house is in a severe state. I mean, I just tripped over a back log of dirty washing in the hall way and landed on my face virtually, thus spilling my tea. I could only laugh, having spent the entire journey to pick my daughter up from school, crying over the loss of my sister.
There I lay, on the floor, tea spilt onto the dirty clothes thinking oh god what can i do this house is a death trap. there is not really anywhere to put the dirty clothes and i can only launder them so fast- though these last few days i have had some kind of insistent inability to put them away once they are clean and dry. why? because the journey upstairs is long and arduous....the stairs are in desperate need of a clean and are littered with muddy dried bits and scraps of paper, dirty clothes that are making their way downstairs.... The loo floor is grimy and piss stained, the bathroom looks like a sess pit, again littered with dirty clothes and general rubbish and the path to the kids room is littered with mess, a ferret ruined rugs and furniture that needs to be thrown. Just writing it down makes me see how I need to go and clear it and throw it all away.Its a danger to us all. why the apathy? i guess it is time. and necessity. there is only so much i can manage with a little tiny boy and stairs and piles of washing and filth that needs to be properly cleaned. i can't magic him asleep. then where i sit, the kitchen the table is high with things, homeless things and the floor is filthy -again -with mud prints and discarded food and just inevitable mess and grime.
this ranting moan is pointless but a vent nonetheless and i know it will pass and things will change. but its now that i am in it.