my duties at home: care of children aged one, five and fourteen- includes negotiating problems as they arise, calming irrational behaviors, educating on how to approach problems as and when they arise.
finding activities for them to do, toys to play with. assisting/ encouraging.. homework.
negotiating ructions between them and father of house-quick to anger difficult to subside.
tidying continual mess of toys, snacks, shoes, clothes, banana wrappers, mugs left in bathrooms, school clothes tossed asunder....wet towels on floor...empty loo roll tubes....books moved and dumped.... toys everywhere underfoot, tiny Lego type pieces everywhere...
repeated reiteration of tidying up, replacing, putting away duties...
daily laundry of clothes for work, school and play- sorting, washing and drying and folding and putting away (rarely ironing if i can help it).
weekly food planning- is there anything else to eat except what we eat all the time?
shopping for food and household items.
cooking from scratch.
washing up, putting away, hoovering, cleaning kitchen floor regularly.
most recently, emptying and redecorating their rooms in snatched times when baby asleep.
decluttering and managing household waste.
daily outings for one year old.
also extra curricular- caring for an elderly aunt once a week- shopping/ form filling, tidying etc...
and a few other bits plus other stuff i don't feel like sharing cause it will taker to long (helping another person declutter-paid work!! and practice of therapy i am trained in until i can afford to become insured, supplement my qualification with further courses and earn money from it...)
the emotional fallout of all of the above is surrounding me like ashy remains of a nuclear bomb.
so due to lack of money and companionship in the life i live i am going to make the next week's diet surround the theme of chick peas.
you see, i just sat at the PC and completed three different online shopping journeys around three different stores- asda,, tesco and waitrose to see which was the cheapest. having printed up some recipes from the internet i gathered together my ingredients for things to make like Jamie Oliver's modern Greek salad, j/o spinach chickpea and feta parcels, chorizo and chick pea stew, aubergine parmigiana,spinach and chick pea curry with sweet potatoes, squash and ricotta bake and j/o green tea salmon, coconut rice and miso greens and then maybe a chicken roast.....plus extra bits and bobs you need like loo roll and washing powder the shop ranged from about 50 quid to about 80 quid for the different shops- plus you get money off for doing your first online shop,,, blahdy blah...
anyway, i felt my taste buds prickle and i felt a hint of interest at the idea of cooking next week.
the last few days we have lived off chick pea varieties and i made a lovely spinach and tomato lasagne the other day. i joked to my mum that we don't like chickpeas and i am secretly punishing my family with them and other vegetablely things generally.
you see, yesterday i felt the only way to punish my family for agonizing me was to dole up punishment stew- chickpeas with everything.
then today i sat down and experimented with the online shopping experience.
having compiled my list, the man i live with said,
rather than getting all this stuff why don't we get a bit of beef
i don't know why, i don't know if i am being irrational, but this felt like a concrete slab falling on my energy. (the irony being that is so sweet and a desperate reach out for a good plate of food it nearly brings tears to my eyes)
i am tired. i have mountains of laundry still to do and i have to think about what to cook for my family who to be crude will simply shit it all out anyway. ew.
people say that nature is indifferent to human suffering, yes, well my family seem indifferent to my human suffering. i feel i work my metaphorical fingers to the bone and yet the lions my family are just seem to fight over my fallen body and tear bits of my exhausted limbs.
any reader out there who has has not gone away due to my lamentations, please forgive my dreadful imagery and outpourings of self pity!!!!!.
anyway i am now planning to buy lots of chick peas.
he can go get his beef.
i can't be arsed to think about what they can all eat and will probably resort to the usual food born out of depression-
fish fingers and chips and beans.
Shepard's pie-yawn
spaghetti bolocksnase - so done
and lots and lots of chickpeas.
You should do something nice for yourself, sometimes. You must be a saint cause my wife would have never put up with me not helping out with kids, house, etc. I'm still the primary cook in the family. At least I get to eat what I want, lol.
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