crash

Fuck. How occasions do conspire..........................How quickly can you crash? Why is financial desperation so aligned with general desperation?
I am living on the edge.

I also have a patch of eczema on my left palm just below the little finger which is a constant source of burning. It is red raw and dries out so that when I use my hand it splits and burns some more.

I feel topped up with stuff. My elation is deflated, punctured and currently destroyed though this is probably fleeting.

I have had a dreadful day in monetary terms by mistakenly purchasing the same item twice and thus despite cancelling the item (an expensive birthday present for my son) not having access to the money till some time when I don't need it so desperately...

This is probably a blessing in disguise, but it has lead me to dread the weekend which I hate approaching penniless with hungry beaks for activity open wide.
And my spirit is low so I cannot even imagine a healthy free treat in the freezing park eating marmite sandwiches.


I want to stop today.

My eczema is a symbol direct from god telling me I chose the wrong way..........housewives hand is another name for my type of eczema. You can't just stop making sure the dishes are washed and the floors are clean, so the eczema persists.

I was so happy yesterday. Enlightened. And now I feel half drowned beneath the frothy backwash.

I am hungry and yet I cannot be bothered to eat.

Very depressed this moment.
Come tomorrow.