shiny happy people

How to articulate this.
Sometimes in Spring time
I get quite low.
Like the opposite of SAD.
As people shed their outer layers and walk in a more relaxed gait in the sun
chatter and walk and smile brightly
I feel more like dressing darkly
sunglasses on and looking down to avoid the cheer.

since a child living on a big housing estate
I hated summer as people would turn up their music really loud
and then i thought they'd gather like ants on walls and on swings and gravitate towards a centre.

My kids have been taken to a park by their uncle at my request
since i need to do 'housework'
i walked through the paths of new cross passing shiny happy people
all gay in the insipid clouded sun
and i brought looroll and washing up liquid and not sunday lunch
since we are still on a diet of frugality

and i didn't raise my head to smile at passing strangers
or share in the awakening bashful welcome of a sunny sunday.

now housework untouched and children gone
i am left with a guilty blue feeling in my chest
and a historical anxiety that springtime brings to me.

in the fridge sits one can of lager
it is before three
but i pull it open and drink
i cannot face the housework
and i am barely ever alone
i want to bottle aloneness
and drink it from time to time.

not sure i articulated anything.
but there you go...