vertical box

at the moment in my life so chemistry must have arranged i feel as though i am contained within an invisible box.
A bit like a coffin i suppose but upright, vertical. Not horizontal.
As i witness the antagonism between my son and his step dad
i feel the wooden sides of the box pressing my arms to my side
and as the sun shines into the cold April garden i feel my tongue silenced in my head as
i feel something like sorrow and sadness fill my my heart
and my vision is clouded with sad ghostly premonitions.

like when someone presses your arms down while you resist their pressure and then as they release their pressure your arms float up as though they are flying...
I long to feel a release from this coffin and fly
without guilt or recriminations
or children screeching at me.
father time.
I remember.

i am clearly miserable and long to wake up with eyes unclouded by what must be depression of some sort.

i can't help putting this pen to paper though for all i know it could be feeding my feelings.

i could pretend i suppose that i am a shiny happy person.
though i have tried and the darkness pervades.