despite not having alcohol for five nights i have woken up with a headache.
i am wondering if alcohol disguises a multitude of other sins in which case i am missing it.
However, there is some difference in my waking up.
I feel tired and actually do have a headache but i feel an incentive to continue and my body seems to be asking me to carry on as it hasn't even started to heal yet!!
part of me fears that drinking has been effectively pickling me and now i will start to deteriorate
but i guess that is one of the oddest voices persuading me to drink drink drink
(tho secretly i think stopping drink will really unleash a miserable fact of life, that life is boring. life is painful.
and i don't want to be a goody goody stuck with the responsibility of sobriety. No fun. almost cuckolded....................................???
i can see how far this voice has been taking me.
not to drink, to be part of a drinking culture, like being the cuckolded one...?
train of thought most peculiar.
i think i have been drinking for a very long time through fear.
i am metaphorically falling backwards and essentially trusting that i can get through the fear and still be safe.
i am really gonna strive to keep this January dry! very good incentive for a break!
post thought> i suppose not drinking isn't really gonna change much. its all still there.
all of it.
still i may feel a little more improved, lets say.
lets see.
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