reasons to drink. not very good ones.

having consumed one drink on not dry January 6th and now on my second and so far damned again it's easier to carry on than stop, i think of why i drink:

• the self is infinitely more interesting once it has consumed a drink 
• the self allows itself to be selfish once having had a drink and other concerns fade away, like bedtimes.
• the resolve is weakened and the self allows the self to be weakened at the expense of other more mind rewarding things like reading fabulous books or making children laugh
• the self atones the self for shitty addiction
• the self wallows in humorous self pity and comes up with multiple reasons for continuing in the same vein as the self is powerless it tells the self. 
• the self says maybe tomorrow you can get back on the straight and narrow and ultimately rewarding
•  the self is fucked.