No inspiration

I have felt no desire to write of late. Things are all pretty much a muchness. Things are all pretty much the same. I have been attempting not to drink everyday and as I do I feel like an alcoholic. I am actually not , but my desire to not drink in the evening is quite challenging. I have taken to drinking diet coke and taking a piriton tablet to help me feel drowsy. Except it is not working today and I am on my second pint of beer of the evening. After this I will do the diet coke thing. There is no point doing it too early as I don't wanna be drowsy till bedtime.
I am basically utterly bored bored bored and that is prob why I drink, to hide the boredom from myself.
I don't feel like reading and I can't watch tv cause he is watching darts (boring). I can't go to bed as it is too early. This is probably the last resort.
I feel like nothing is happening at the moment. I don't have much money so I cannot engineer stuff. I can't buy stuff. Everything is just dull and Sort of staid. I wonder if this is just a passing thing or if it will be my life forever. I did think the other day, that life is what you make it, there are no rewards for good behaviour, patience or self deprivation. It occurred to me, that if I don't brighten up my life and do some stuff that I want to do, then that is that. Time waits for no one.

My son has just passed by and said he reads it anyway, when I sought to hide the type from him. Well in that case,  I may as well mention that it is very difficult not having surplus piles of income to spend on fun things. His friends apparently have new bbguns and games and hundreds spent on them while I barely have two pennies to rub together for warmth.

Anyway after this second beer I will have a boring diet coke and take a piriton and then go to bed. I hope things get better.