i hate this, it is so difficult having children and losing a close close person to the jaws of death.
it's difficult to separate my son's moodiness from his age when in fact he is mourning his aunty, and the littlest ones just have no idea.
i don't know how i am going to do this just on the functional front. how do i contain my huge loss and still be a mother who is any use?
i don't know if i can. i miss her so much. i am in major shock and unable to process the past week. despite her being ill for so long she had been so better. things were massively looking up. this has hit me like a sledge hammer hard in the head.
i feel totally inept. i am scared of not coping. i am scared of the days without my sister; without her being here. i am not ready for this for a loss so gaping and so massive and huge. i am not ready and i cannot accept it.
i will not accept it.
where is god right now? how could he steal away my sister. why do i have
to pray for peace. i just want my sister back.
this is just dreadful
i will go to bed and i don't even feel as though i can sleep. give me strength, god.
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