it is not just me but others who are dragging their bodies around. there is no normal and has been no normal since last Tuesday. i have horrid visions in my head and am afraid.
today i had to go to car breakers to get things for my car. of all the places you could want to go, a car breaker in deptford is not one of them. the loud noises made me feel like i was jumping out of my skin and the way everyone was talking hurt my ears. these people right now seem brash and cold. the pictures on the wall remind me of the word in which i live.
right now i am back at my parents. some of us are here. someone is playing the piano. someone is paying the bass which sounds to loud and hurts my throat which is thick and achy with sorrow.
the sort of lethargy i see is like a gray porridge.
i feel too weak and pathetic to be constructive to really get down to doing something productive and necessary.
if i could just stop and hold my breath for some time i would like it.
but i can't.
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