all wrong today. heavy body achy and slow. not sure will be able to get things done. ever. at the moment. it is second day of half term and i am already dreading next Monday. back at school when i need to function normally. be up on time children fed and dressed.
my body feels wrong.
today i feel blank in my brain; it is heavy and tired and cannot comprehend how our sister could just go so suddenly. and what ifs are churning round my forehead and this makes my heart literally ache and my head so heavy.
it feels so unfair that you are not here to help us make sense of this but then that is good i hope you are sleeping so peacefully and have no idea of the tragedy we feel in our hearts. i hope if you can see that you know it is going to be okay and the tragedy will change into glory and our hearts may stop aching and we will be peaceful and ok and see something okay in all of this. i hope you see things with a divine sense of perspective and it is just here on earth that we feel things so humanly. perhaps if a day here is so much longer than a day in some difficult to believe in heaven, then some redeemable thing will make this all better.
i am going to try and tidy my home so it does not get on top of me.
morning seems the worst.
i feel overwhelmed by sludge.
but my children need me right now. so
chin up.
one thing at a time.
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