it is my birthday

we are in my kitchen listening to our sister's music and drinking wine and I have made Shepard pie which i don't want to eat.
the reality seems wrong and everything is different.
I feel like god has kicked my family in the teeth with a large steel toe cap boot on. we have looked up gratefully and innocently with love in our hearts and crash shatter pain our teeth have been shattered.
why has god done this to us i say?
Amelie my poor daughter witnessing this sadness says 'mummy you are awake in heaven, you are alive in heaven'.
from the mouths of babes?