went to Brighton to see youngest sister off to university her first time back since our eldest sister left this mortal coil. Didn't get to the seafront but had lunch in a pub then saw her digs- very cosy, then a rainy sleepy drive back to London. Now back in rainy new cross.
this is a very odd time in which it is difficult to imagine feeling any enthusiasm for life what so ever.
i am hoping i can get simple things done like kids fed, washed and dressed and off to school on time.
then begins the very sad fact of needing to gather together things belonging to our sister and shifting them from her old flat.
i will have to steel myself to help with this and it will be very difficult. it makes my stomach turn just thinking of how we will do this and how it will ram home again, the fact i cannot bring myself to accept.
two of my sisters went to visit her final resting place - of sorts- and said that it was strange and felt wrong.
i too will go but am not really looking forward to it.
on the day she was left there i had to drink whisky to create a veil between me and the truth of the reality in front of me.
i don't feel i can get back to normal.
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